Hmmmm again.

Here is some more poetry.




Time.

An old man wearing the face of a babe.
He wanders listlessly,
each footstep just one more
in a line of many.
Walks on.
Endlessly.
In circles of the past.
So many things repeated,
seen twice
thrice
four thousand billion times.
And so many minutes
hours
years
that could have been avoided
or changed
had he allowed his footsteps to waver,
just a little,
in their never ending journey.
He has seen death
and life
and death
and life
and it leaves him drawn
and stretched
and weary.
Footfall after footfall
taking him forward
into the past.
Nothing is new to him.
Time knows,
through experience,
that as long as he moves
one foot
after the other
everything will go on
just the same
as always.

Once More Unforgiven.

I.
To the one who ruined me.
Did you know
when you asked me to stay
that it would end this way?
Were you aware
as you ripped me open
you were ruining more than just buttons?
Did you understand at all?
If so, did you care?
Or were you just in it for the fun?
I can't understand.
Confusion leads my train of thought,
and I want to die.
I can't live.
Not with these images.
Someone I thought I knew,
I didn't;
and someone I don't understand
appeared where they lay.
But did I think you really cared?
Oh yes,
your words stick in my mind
and I bruise with each letter.
Knowing what I knew
and not walking
when I knew I should.
Now I am hated
by one who I never really know
but would have
and I feel worthless,
unable to comprehend
how I came to be in this position.
I'm glad that you are leaving;
I can only console myself
with the thought that you
are just one of my
many learning experiences
and I hope
I never
have to go through this experience
again.

II.
Disgusted in myself.
I could have walked away,
chose to stay,
until I knew I had gone too far.
Unwrapped and shivvering,
I picked up the pieces of my dignity
and tried to salvage
anything I could.
I walked away too late,
but soon enough.
Intact.
Falling apart.
Of the three lives that could have broken,
only one has survived
- you lose nothing, you just leave.
As if you care.
She loses someone she loved,
but who ripped her trust apart
with one act.
I lose myself,
I lose one person who I could have liked.
Maybe though, I also gain:
I will never
let myself be cornered again.
Maybe too,
I found that sweetness has two paths.
Would that I had chosen the second
before the first defiled its taste.

III.
For want of love
I have lost all that I ever worked for.
I lost my dignity to the dew soaked grass.
I lost my self-control to warm intoxication.
All this I lost,
only to discover that love
is not what I found.
I wonder.
Was it your fault?
I like to think it was because,
its just easier to blame you.
Harder to admit to my stupidity.
But I could have left,
and I didn't
I could have stopped sooner,
and I didn't
I could have been firmer,
But I wasn't
I could have been with one who cared
(almost)
But I didn't know
until the dawning of light.
So now
I spend my waking moments
filled with fear of hatred
feelings of guilt
memories of stupidity
and I find that these are hard to live with.
I want escape.
I think on it all so hard
so long
that I slip into sleep
and am able to rest awhile.
Until the morning.
When I remember.
Again.

IV.
I can't remember.
Mine or yours?
Flashes, blurred, of inevitability.
Feeling confused now
abused now
broken now
Mine or yours?
As if you care about our disaster.
She is broken,
or will be.
I must hide my blackened image.
I didn't want to
couldn't not
should have stopped
and I did.
But that doesn't mean a thing.
One time
to turn back time
and rewrite the future.
Feeling confused now
abused now
broken now.
Atleast you are going away.